What is that ? It's Horrendous ...

Late last week I was invited to speak as an affiliate artist of Studio on Brunswick with Lyne Tilt about the year ahead and my life as an artist. Fantastic conversation covering my journey of this year in particular and how I am planning 2026. The hurdles, brain dumps, imposter syndrome, saying 'yes', fears and learning to remember why I started painting and creating in the first place.

Towards the end of the conversation something came up about fears and self doubt. How they can really impact you as an artist and stop you from doing what you love. I recalled a moment that used to haunt me when I started out as an artist. It was my first public group exhibition, held at HOTA (back then it was GC Arts Centre) early 2000's.

My mentor and artist friend Liz Tanke entered me in to the exhibition which I was thrilled about, to even think she saw something in me was honourable. As we walked around on opening night searching for my entry "white on table" oil/ mixed media on canvas we overheard a lady comment on my piece to her friends pointing at my painting saying "what is that ? it's horrendous".

Well, as a 'newby' to the art world and as you can imagine; my heart absolutely sank, not only was I rejected by this obvious art someone who I believed knew her stuff but the inch of pride I had for seeing 'my' painting on the wall diminished immediately. My face and expression must have been very obvious because Liz was very quick to nudge me and respond with "she doesn't know what she is talking about, we know what you art is, she just can't see it." Liz grabbed my hand tightly and smiled at me.

Yes, it took me a long time to get over this moment. The self doubt, imposter syndrome and fear all reared it's ugly head. I continued to paint but didn't exhibit for many years. I worked in a gallery in Coolangatta as a curator, exhibiting other artists works and meeting so many wonderful humans that I am forever grateful. Even though I found so much gratification during those years, I wasn't full-filled.

It wasn't until I had to face the undeniable urge of creating and as to why I didn't want to exhibit. I really had to self reflect and give Jo a chance. This person; me, felt like something was missing. I had to unpack and reflect, remember why Jo loved painting. I also had to realise that my beliefs weren't always correct or true. The lady who commented had her own interpretation, her own beliefs and although it may have been 'horrendous' to her; to me my art was beautiful and I was proud of it. I realised not everyone is going to like my art. My interpretation and expression is just that, my own.

Not everyone is going to like you or your art, and that is ok.

To be honest I don't know what the hell I am doing most of the time and I do doubt myself continuously. But, I do have to learn to trust. I have to remember why I paint and the feeling it gives me as me. If it's because it makes you feel whole, happy, complete or even expressive. Just do it, don't doubt yourself. Don't listen to those old recordings of others. Funny how those stay in the memory bank!

You will get critics always, but please remember what Liz said "'she doesn't know what she is talking about, we know what you art is, she just can't see it'

Whoever that maybe.

me.Work

Learning to trust