'what is that? it's horrendous' - self doubt

Late last week, I had the pleasure of speaking as an affiliate artist of Studio on Brunswick alongside Lyne Tilt. We discussed the year ahead and my life as an artist. It was a fantastic conversation that covered my journey this past year and how I am planning for 2026. We touched on hurdles, brain dumps, imposter syndrome, saying 'yes', fears, and the importance of remembering why I started painting and creating in the first place.

The Impact of Fear and Self-Doubt

Towards the end of our conversation, we delved into fears and self-doubt. These feelings can significantly impact an artist, often stopping us from doing what we love. I recalled a moment that used to haunt me when I first started out as an artist. It was my first public group exhibition, held at HOTA (back then it was GC Arts Centre) in the early 2000s.

My mentor and artist friend, Liz Tanke, entered me into the exhibition, and I was thrilled. To think she saw something in me was an honour. On opening night, as we searched for my entry, "White on Table" (oil/mixed media on canvas), we overheard a spectator - lady comment on my piece. The lady pointed at my painting and said, "What is that? It's horrendous."

As a newcomer to the art world, my heart sank. I felt rejected by a stranger who I believed or thought, even though I didn't know her, knew her stuff.

The pride I had for seeing my painting on the wall diminished immediately. My expression must have been obvious because Liz quickly nudged me and responded, "She doesn't know what she is talking about. We know what your art is; she just can't see it." Liz grabbed my hand tightly with compassion and smiled at me.

Overcoming Self-Doubt

It took me a long time to get over that moment. The self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and fear all reared their ugly heads. I continued to paint but didn't exhibit for many years. I worked in a gallery in Coolangatta as a curator, exhibiting other artists' works and meeting so many wonderful humans for whom I am forever grateful. Even though I found gratification during those years, I felt unfulfilled.

It wasn't until I faced the undeniable urge to create that I began to understand why I hesitated to exhibit. I had to self-reflect and give myself a chance. I felt something was missing. I had to unpack my feelings and remember why I loved painting. I also had to realise that my own beliefs weren't always correct or true. The stranger who commented had her own interpretation and beliefs. Although my art may have seemed 'horrendous' to her, to me, it was beautiful, and I was proud of it. I realised not everyone would like my art. My interpretation and expression are uniquely mine.

Embracing My Artistic Identity

Not everyone is going to like you or your art, and that is okay. To be honest, I often feel lost and doubt myself continuously. However, I have learned to trust the process. I must remember why I paint and the joy it brings me. Whether it makes me feel whole, happy, complete, or expressive, I must embrace it. Just do it—don't doubt yourself. Don't listen to those old recordings of others. Funny how those memories linger!

You will always encounter critics, but please remember what Liz said: "She doesn't know what she is talking about. We know what your art is; she just can't see it."

me.Work

Learning to trust